Mine Own.

On this betrayed understanding,
Sick, heralding envy,
Worthless aim, trapped in speech,
Longing overcome by desire,
Surrender not, thoughts shall play.

Run away from whipping minds,
Leaving unto chaos wishes dreamt,
Of love and laughter forever,
Until the self denies want,
So trauma lifts causes.

Judge you righteous conscience,
Wants must justify with me,
A human, a mortal, a weakling,
Swathes my being, undefined,
This cold separation, strange to habits.

If madness shall confine,
So shall my pitiful cravings,
The irony of a crimson reason,
Leads a forgotten hope,
Into futile wishing, Please.

To the mighty range of heart,
But singles out a repetitive chord,
Laced with memories shamelessly,
Still the stray will puppets,
All but sad ink.

Ielfphil Raven.

Want Of Past.

To my 13 year old self :-

I want wholly myself back,
Return sweet love of love,
Drink tainted memories sustained,
Of song, smiles and joy,
Innocence, sense and touch.

This feel of serious dispassion,
This creeping, sullen demeanor,
Strips me of response and emotion,
Trying, failing, a desperate cry,
For once more, my own self.

A vague discipline honors actions,
To express that even so,
Pains conscience, of right to,
Remind the very existence,live,
Onto truth, then bites a parasite.

Doubt carries understanding,
Sealing times thinning hope,
I scream into dreams, pointless,
The cold present slaps self-expression,
Rising loneliness through despair.

These on my vicinity, so familiar,
Yet none but sobs remain,
Resting, corroding, a humble relief,
And every word is unheard of.

Every dream poisoned and faded,
Every laugh interrupted by a tear,
Every sense nullified.

So now I will pray, hear,
I pray for lost life and moments,
Begging on darkening floors,
I still want more of me,
That want of past - shall remain?

Ielfphil Raven.

Fleeting.

To my brother :-

When one becomes another,
How different can be I,
With whispers in time ringing,
Far away with it's endless flow,
I hear no longer chords.

I give my hand hidden,
When I need one, most dire.
Silence! Dear thoughts,
For you shatter my heart,
Coiling rashly, bleeding hope.

And love for one after,
This turmoil is sealed,
Pitifully awakening the ugly,
And unseen, it stirs words,
Piercing all to none.

Acceptance lingers weak,
Like silence should be,
And silence I wield,
Gathering a stable calm,
Oh, how time groped hopeless.

Ielfphil Raven.