Want Of Past.

To my 13 year old self :-

I want wholly myself back,
Return sweet love of love,
Drink tainted memories sustained,
Of song, smiles and joy,
Innocence, sense and touch.

This feel of serious dispassion,
This creeping, sullen demeanor,
Strips me of response and emotion,
Trying, failing, a desperate cry,
For once more, my own self.

A vague discipline honors actions,
To express that even so,
Pains conscience, of right to,
Remind the very existence,live,
Onto truth, then bites a parasite.

Doubt carries understanding,
Sealing times thinning hope,
I scream into dreams, pointless,
The cold present slaps self-expression,
Rising loneliness through despair.

These on my vicinity, so familiar,
Yet none but sobs remain,
Resting, corroding, a humble relief,
And every word is unheard of.

Every dream poisoned and faded,
Every laugh interrupted by a tear,
Every sense nullified.

So now I will pray, hear,
I pray for lost life and moments,
Begging on darkening floors,
I still want more of me,
That want of past - shall remain?

Ielfphil Raven.